INNER MOTHER HEALING
Part 1: Understanding the Inner Mother and the Mother Wound
The concept of the inner mother encompasses the nurturing, compassionate, and caring aspects within each of us. It's the voice of wisdom, comfort, and guidance that exists within our psyche, regardless of our gender or parental status. However, for many, this inner mother may be wounded or neglected due to past experiences or societal conditioning. Whether you're exploring your own relationship with motherhood or seeking to understand how to better nurture yourself, this journey is one of profound self-discovery and healing.
Resources for More Exploration
"Discovering the Inner Mother: A Guide to Healing the Mother Wound and Claiming Your Personal Power" by Bethany Webster - Sure to become a classic on female empowerment. This is an exploration of the personal, cultural, and global implications of intergenerational trauma created by patriarchy, how it is passed down from mothers to daughters, and how we can break this destructive cycle.
"Mothering Without a Map: The Search for the Good Mother Within" by Kathryn Black - Black provides a roadmap for reconnecting with the nurturing aspects of ourselves, even in the absence of a positive maternal figure.
"The Tao of Motherhood" by Vimala McClure - Drawing from Taoist philosophy, this book offers wisdom and practices for embracing the essence of motherhood within ourselves, regardless of external circumstances.
“What's the Juice - The Mother Wound Episode" - This blog article and podcast episode explain how unmet childhood needs create the need for us to re-parent ourselves as adults. Link here.
"The Motherhood Sessions" - Hosted by Dr. Alexandra Sacks, this podcast delves into the complexities of motherhood and offers insightful conversations with real mothers navigating various challenges.
"Motherly" - This podcast explores the journey of modern motherhood, covering topics ranging from self-care to parenting advice with empathy and understanding.
Aspiring Mamas
And to all those still on the journey to becoming a mother - whether to your own child, someone else's or to your own inner child, it is a beautiful becoming. The bright and shining light that is Melissa Colleret guides you in your becoming in her empowering new book, Aspiring Mama.
“Trust the fire inside to light up your path. Let it burn the obstacles standing in your way. Become the fire other women can warm up around and light their torches with.” - Melissa Colleret
Aspiring Mama: A Transformative Guide for Finding Your Path to Becoming the Mother You are Meant to Be
Journaling Exercise: Nurturing Your Inner Mother
Take some time to reflect on the following questions in your journal:
What qualities do you associate with the archetype of motherhood?
How do you nurture and care for yourself in times of need?
Reflect on your relationship with your own mother or maternal figures. What lessons have you learned from this relationship?
In what ways can you cultivate and strengthen your connection with your inner mother?
Healing the inner mother is a journey of self-compassion, forgiveness, and empowerment. By exploring the depths of our own nurturing nature, we not only heal past wounds but also learn to embrace the fullness of who we are. Remember, the journey inward is just as important as the outward manifestations of care and love.
To learn how to re-mother yourself you must first connect with compassion and release any stored tension around the mother wound - regardless of whether you had the best mom in the world or not, we are all holding some collective wounding from the effects of patriarchy on our femininity and nurturing essence. This somatic release and journaling practice will release some of that tension.
Part 2: Healing your Inner Child the Feminine Way
This practice focuses on pleasure to access feminine energy and the divine feminine within. Feel into pleasure until you are radiating unconditional love. You could use a visualization or any pleasurable practice to get there. It's from this place that you can go into the wounded parts of yourself and make things right. Inner child work doesn't mean you've had a bad childhood, it is just the act of bringing your more evolved adult self into conversation with the wounded, conditioned, fearful parts of yourself and showing them they are loved and invited along for the ride. It's not about figuring out whatever happened to create the wounds or the ways you aren't in alignment but about claiming the power you inherently have to heal and align yourself.
Healing cannot happen in the same mindset that the wound was created in.
The goal?
Steady and secure relationships with the younger versions of ourselves, so that they aren't running the show. Once you get here you'll feel more at peace knowing that you've got you, and you're ready for more.
The practice:
Create a simple alter in your space with flowers and a photo of yourself at whatever age feels most tender or sweet - the photo could even be on your phone.
Embrace pleasure to feel your absolute best - a bath, movement, breathwork, how you dress, anything that makes you feel like a goddess.
Close your eyes and meditate on your inner child (recording below) - imagine that you are going to meet her. Show up as a loving, beautiful presence. As you approach let her know "Hey, I'm here - you don't have to do this alone. I get that it's hard and I'm here to help you carry the load. I can protect you until you get strong enough that you don't need me, and still I'll be here for you. I got you. Your emotions and your desires really do matter. Especially to me. What do you need? What do you want to do? Want to just hang out? Want to go on a fun date?
Imagine exactly what your inner child (or teenager, or young adult) would have wanted to do with someone they feel completely safe and seen with - and imagine that experience.
Notice any resistance to receiving all this nurturing energy. Notice where you may be avoidant or dismissive and have a chat with that part of you. It's a practice, it's subtle and gradual. Embrace it all without judgment.
Journal about your experience and any insights that come.
The integration: re-parenting yourself
Meeting Unmet Needs: whatever needs that you've identified that were unmet in your childhood (expression, validation, patience, discipline, etc) you can now find ways to meet those needs in your adult life - easier said than done! If you need extra support in this area I would suggest doing The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron, she encourages weekly “artist dates” where you simply have solo fun, like a kid, for the sake of play - it's been a huge inspiration for me when things are stuck.
Setting Boundaries: protect your inner child from further harm by creating a safe emotional environment, aka safe self talk, avoiding harmful conversations, etc.
Inner Child Dialogues: Continue the practice from last week by engaging in dialogues with your inner child through visualization or writing. Ask your inner child what they need and how you can support them.
Inner Parent Role: Develop an inner parental figure who can provide the love, guidance, and protection your inner child needs. This involves visualizing yourself as a nurturing, caring adult who supports your inner child. Children love routine and structure.
